Thursday, June 15, 2006

As Dr. Nick likes to say, "Hi Everybody!"

So, whats been going on? I have been enjoying my time away from the hospital. Not doing much, just lazing around the house and resting. It is amazing how normal I can be for an hour or so, then I am beat. I just don't have the energy that I used to. Damn Chemo.

I bit the bullet and bought a new XBOX 360. It rocks! I bought Oblivion (which is a role playing game), Project Gotham Racing (super car racing, corvettes, ferraris, etc...), and John Madden Football (OK game, not really into sports games). I love the XBOX and it has helped me fill some of the long hours at home. BTW, if anyone is on XBOX live, my tag is Draki11a. (yes, those are ones instead of ls).

Hmmm, what else? Nothing really. My hair continues to fall out, but still in patches. My belly still fills with fluid, but I don't know if it is more or less than before. I am eating like a horse, but it is still harder to put down dinner than breakfast or lunch.

Here is a picture of Jake. He was "fixing" the chair. How many handymen will work in a diaper?


Ok everyone, I want to leave you with a peom that someone posted in the comment section of my blog. It is dark, but very powerful, and I think describes how I feel perfectly.

William Ernest Henley. 1849–1903

Invictus

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

What this poem says to me:
"Sometimes the only hope to be found comes from within, and that can be enough"

Love you all,
Jason

9 comments:

lesli said...

Ooof, you're an XBOXer too?! Sheesh! We have one of those here. If you ever see the gamer-tag mr furi0us (that's a zero), get on and talk some crap. Apparently Battlefield something is a good game. Just passing on what I know! Keep eating, keep fighting! We're cheering you on.

Kate said...

Wow! Every time I read that poem I get chills.

Mind over matter is SO powerful.

Jacob is just too cute. How lucky he is to have such a strong Daddy like you.

Keep it up!

Kate said...

Me again. I just thought I'd share my favorite poem with you. Not sure if you've read it before, but I always feel better after reading it.

:)





Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrman

Kell B said...

JC - You write just like you talk! You crack me up. Just wanted you to know that I'm checking in on you. Glad you're back at home. Keep up that eating!!

Chris said...

Hey Jason! This is your cousin Chris from Michigan. Love your spirit and attitude toward it all.
You have so many pulling for you and most of all you have yourself.

I may run into you on Xbox sometime too. My gamertag is vindar. I have Oblivion and think it is an awesome game.

Give everyone down in Texas a hello from me and my family.

Chris Kottke

Kater_Potater said...

Hey Jason! Its your cousin Kate from Michigan - I finally created a blog of my own so I can leave you a message or two! I just wanted to say that we have you in our thoughts and that I am so amazed by your positive attitude throughout all of your treatments so far. You are an amazing person I can't wait for the day that you beat this! We love you, Jen and Jacob!

Kate and Mike

Asher said...

Thanks for sharing how things are going. You have a handsome son. Keep up the good fight.

Scagnetti said...

he never did eat anything I ever cooked him for dinner...
m

aunt judi said...

Hi Jason.
I'm glad you liked the poem my friend sent you. He was worried you may find it to be too dark.
I like it more each time I read it.
Remember...you are always in my thoughts and in my heart.
Love you,
Aunt Judi